Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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