she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
