please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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