If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
