That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
