you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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