Im at strip club and am horny
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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