My friends, they love my intelligence
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
