Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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