Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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