Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize