Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
