he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
