I think I won the penis lottery.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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