told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How external is "for external use only"?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
