i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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