After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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