I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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