Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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