How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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