I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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