I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
