tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
