forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
