i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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