im about as happy as oj after his trial
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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