Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish i was in the wii world.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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