it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
