I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
