The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
