i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
