I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
