Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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