there's paper in my vomit.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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