i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
