i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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