so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
