Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm too high and old for this...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
