If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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