Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
