I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
