and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
