Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize