Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
