In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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