9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
