Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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