also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
