I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
