the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
