the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
