Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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