I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
