12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
