we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
