Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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