If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Randomize
