There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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