Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
