nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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