So drunk its hurt
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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