Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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