Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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