i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
