This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
