he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize