I got chris browned last night
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
