God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
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