I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
